ON TOP OF being introverts we each have a persona or “winning recipe” that we created specifically to compensate for not being outgoing enough. It allows us to hide inside of a socially acceptable way to be – casual, cosmopolitan, irreverent, quick, welcoming, or any of the thousands of other personas introverts adopt to win in an extroverted world.
When you were young, perhaps under five years of age, something probably happened that either triggered your winning recipe into existence or at least got the process started. It is not absolutely critical to know what the incident was, because regardless of not knowing it you are still living out that recipe today.
But knowing helps. It satisfies your natural human curiosity, and more importantly brings home to you that you do have a winning recipe, one whose existence you may doubt until you see how it arose. Knowing the source also may help you to identify the features of your winning recipe.
How I Discovered My Own Trigger Incident
I LOOKED BACK at two of my earliest memories and discovered that both of them involved my mother.
She was vivacious and talkative – she read quietly for hours, then loved to speak at length about her interests – politics, religion, astrology and fiction. She amused my father, who often teased her about how much she had to say. But she easily overstimulated me.
My first memory occurred one day when I was three. She had been speaking on the phone for hours with a lady in the neighborhood. I got so overwhelmed by hearing her talk and talk that I soiled myself, went into the bedroom where she was gossiping and got up onto the bed. I then scooted my bare bottom across her white chenille bedspread, leaving behind a dark trail of infamy. That got her off the phone but did not produce long-term quiet.
The second event took place a year or so later when I was four. I ran away from home, heading for the house next door to be with an elderly couple who had always doted on me. Unlike at my house, the noise level at theirs was low and it attracted me like a magnet, even if I did not consciously know why.
To prepare for the journey I found a large brown grocery bag from Von’s Market and threw in all the essentials. A pair of underwear and a T-shirt. Two bright copper pennies that I had been saving for just such an emergency. A stuffed dog named Woofie. And some canned goods, although I could not read the labels and had no clue how to get them open. That was what new parents were for.
I left but never made it to the neighbors’ house. Halfway there the bag ripped and spilled all my precious belongings into the street. I sat down on the curb to cry, then within thirty seconds felt my mother’s arms picking me up. She carried me back into the house and sat with me for the longest time, holding my head against her chest, making me feel like the most special and wanted little boy who ever lived. Never again did her talking drive me away. But it did set the stage for the robust winning recipe that would show up six years later.
Unpacking The Past
MY GUESS IS that you have probably gone through something similar – endured an event that overstimulated you to the point where you realized three things, probably unconsciously:
1. The world is full of painful noise and stimulation.
2. I crave quiet.
3. To lessen the noise I must do something or be something that I am not.
At age four all I was capable of was to make a runaway attempt. At age ten, as we will see in the next post, I was old enough to craft a more sophisticated response – to strive to be some way other than as an introvert.
But even at four the outlines of my winning recipe were present. I had carefully prepared to run away, going through a methodical process to pack the grocery bag from Von’s. Later that action would blossom into my full winning recipe – to create step by step processes in every area of life to ensure favorable results without having to deal too much with people.
Discovering Your Trigger Event
YOU MAY ALREADY remember the first traumatic event that led you to realize the three insights above. But if not, try one or both of the following:
The List Approach
- Who was there?
- What happened?
- As a result, what action did you take? Did you do something, or did you decide to be a certain way to deal with the world from then on?
The Meditation Approach
Go into a quiet room with your phone set to record audio. Turn off incoming calls and sit with your hands on your legs. Close your eyes and breathe in deeply. Recall one of your earliest memories of being overstimulated. With your eyes still closed, record the following answers:
- Who was there?
- What happened?
- As a result, what action did you take? Did you do something, or did you decide to be a certain way to deal with the world from then on?
Do the same for the next one or two memories.
Translating The Event Into A Recipe
LOOK AT YOUR responses.
If like me your earliest incident produced just doing something, no worries. In the next post I will suggest how to discover what type of ongoing way of being later came out of that.
If you were old enough to go beyond doing and start being some way that allowed you to deal with a noisy world, that way of being is likely your winning recipe. If you are not clear about that behavior, try going to Post #1 to jog your memory.
I Invite You To Begin Discovering Your Trigger Incident Today
- What Is your trigger incident story? If you would like us to consider sharing your story anonymously with The Satisfied Introvert community please email it to us at thesatisfiedintrovert@gmail.com. We will do our best to publish it but unfortunately we cannot do so for every story. Please note that all submissions are the property of this site.
- How can I help you discover that event? Please go to the Contact page and enter your name, email, and questions. I cannot answer everyone, but will do my best – especially if the answer could benefit others.
- To be notified of new posts to The Satisfied Introvert blog, please go to the Subscribe section at the bottom of this post and enter your name and email. Under no circumstances will we share your information without your express permission. A new post appears every two weeks. Coming up next: “The Inner Controls of Your Winning Recipe – How To Lay Them Bare.”
Welcome to the comfort of knowing what event probably
launched your winning recipe – and the resulting
certainty that such a recipe does exist.
That is the first step towards
detaching yourself from it.
© 2022 The Satisfied Introvert LLC
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