FAQs
What Is a Winning Recipe?
It is a way of being that introverts use to be some way other than as an introvert when engaging with life.
Being diplomatic, being mysterious, being reliable, being thorough, and so on. Virtually any adjective that applies to human behavior can end up as your winning recipe.
Early in life you discover that you live in an extroverted world, and decide that you cannot succeed in it as an introvert. So you choose with the logic of a three-to-five-year-old to be some other way. You get some early successes with the recipe so you polish it until it hardens into a formula that you rely on to get through life.
Ultimately it is not satisfying. It calls you to live by being something you are not. You live out the recipe not for itself, but as compensation for your not being extroverted enough to succeed in life without it.
Secondly, it tends to cause unintended consequences. These can show up at the worst possible time, introducing drama into a life in which you long for quiet and peace. Finally, it can get in the way of relationships. The recipe is about winning, not about being related.
Unfortunately it never goes away. By now it is too deeply embedded in how you handle life. The best you can do is to detach from it, meaning to live according to the recipe for itself, not to compensate for being an introvert.
The only way to short-circuit it is to get that you have nothing to compensate for. It is OK to be an introvert. In fact being an introvert in an extroverted world is an advantage. It allows you to offer a suite of behaviors that in our society are in short supply.
You listen more than you talk, and think before you speak. You are probably a good writer. You understand other people because you love deep one-on-one conversations. You are methodical, concentrate on one thing at a time, work slowly, and focus deeply on whatever you are doing.
First, use the resources on this site to get clear on exactly what your winning recipe is.
Next, look back over your life and discover what your recipe has cost you in terms of dissatisfaction, unintended consequences, and distant relationships. Doing this is critical for triggering the passion to do something about it.
Finally, get some experience with winning as an introvert. Your wins to date likely have been connected to your recipe, so you need to start accumulating successes out of being a full-on introvert. To do this, consciously use the advantages mentioned above, one by one, to get results in your relationships and your work. It may take some time, but the freedom of operating outside of your winning formula can be exhilarating.
You will probably still live your recipe, but not to hide your introversion. When you do so the toxicity will tend to disappear. The recipe can become satisfying in itself, may provoke little or no drama, and can further rather than hinder your relationships. In my case I still run stepwise processes every day, but now I do them to simplify my life. Most are directed at health and wellness – diet, exercise, and sleep. I enjoy them, they tend to prevent surprises, and they help me to remain close to my wife Sandy.
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