A WINNING RECIPE is something that we introverts all created in childhood. It compensates for our not being outgoing enough to win in an extroverted world. It allows us to hide inside of a socially acceptable way to be – caring, effective, gregarious, pretty, or smart. Or any other of the thousands of other roles introverts take on to succeed. For example, my recipe is to be methodical, building step by step procedures to cope with life events.
In the last two posts we examined how to reduce fear. First by creating a new view of meaning, and also by relying on a trusted person to help you cope with anxiety. Here we discuss how to unify your attention with an external world that can be a volatile source of fear. This is important because you focus much of your attention on the internal world.
On my first night in Vietnam the urgency of doing this literally hit me in the chest.
How I Discovered The Unified Awareness Solution
DURING A FOUR-WEEK crossing of the Pacific on a troop ship I ruminated a great deal. As we drew ever closer to Vietnam I went over and over what was about to happen to us. The military routines onboard added a bit of reassurance but on the whole were mechanical and unsatisfying. More comfort came from a little good luck token. It was a tiny stuffed bear that my fiancée gave me. Every time I held him in the palm of my hand it reminded me of her love.
We landed at Vung Tau and then transferred to a compound in the Gia Dinh suburb of Saigon. That whole time I failed to look outwards. I did not realize that I was now in a highly dangerous situation. As I unpacked my gear the Viet Cong rammed a barge filled with explosives into a bridge just outside our building. The deafening blast caught me completely off guard. It blew compressed air into the 30 of us in our second-floor barracks.
I reflexively hit the floor and pulled my mattress on top of me for protection as we had been trained to do. As I lay there sweating in the humidity I instantly found myself in the real world. I saw that if I wanted to survive in this place I urgently needed to unify my consciousness. Getting out of my head was imperative. I had to pay as much attention to the external world as to the internal one.
My winning recipe did not like this. Over and over it called me to stay focused inside my thoughts so I could come up with a process for handling the situation. Except that none existed. The Viet Cong had just tried to kill us. They would keep at it until every American was out of the country or dead.
Like a football player shaken up by the first hit, I was now in the game. The blast ripped me out of my interior world and deposited me in a place that demanded my attention if it was not going to consume me. When the all clear sounded I remained in both worlds and stayed there the whole time I was in Vietnam. I now looked for external threats like an exterminator chasing rats.
Unpacking the Unified Awareness Solution
PSYCHOLOGISTS TELL US that consciousness spans two universes and that they are not necessarily connected. Internally you can feel good about yourself but still appear boorish or stupid to other people. Conversely, you can have many admiring friends but inside feel hollow and depressed. Part of emotional health is to be self-aware both inside and out. In Vietnam I found that advice to also be a key part of survival.
As an introvert you are probably known for being a deep thinker, and for preferring solitude to the company of others. The internal focus is one of your strongest advantages in a world where many of the people around you do more talking than thinking.
Yet when the outside world breaks in with a fearful event it can trigger a dangerous surprise. The event does not have to be as severe as somebody trying to blow you up. It can be a car in front of you that stops short while you are paying less attention to the road than to your own thoughts. Ignoring the external environment is not smart, and as an introvert you may tend to forget that.
How to Unify Your Self-Awareness
ONCE A SHOCKING external event occurred it is too late – fear has already penetrated you. The point of a unified awareness is to prevent that from happening, or at least to reduce its frequency and severity.
Here is one way to unify the two parts of your thinking:
Step 1. Scan your environment.
Look around. Doing this is not normal for me as an introvert, and my guess is that it is not for you either. Be alert consciously to what is around you now, and think through the day ahead to see what risks you might be facing. They could be physical, such as driving your car. Or emotional, such as meeting with a troublesome friend or relative. Perhaps they are mental, such as having to perform on an exam. Regardless of the category they fall into, look for anything serious that might jump out and spark fear.
Step 2: See how you can mitigate the risk.
You probably have less trouble with the mental risks because the mind is where you usually reside. But look at emotions – for example, ask how you can defuse a potentially fearsome encounter with somebody. In terms of physical reality see what precautions can you take to be safer.
Sometimes there is nothing you can do. I certainly could not have mitigated the blast that took place in Saigon outside our compound. But once I left the ship, if I had been ready for anything to occur I might not have been so terrified for so long when something did go down. I might have recognized that “Yep, that’s the VC” and calmed down more quickly than I did.
Step 3: Make a habit of looking ahead.
Spend a few moments at the start of each day to survey any big minefields that lie in your path. The more you do this, particularly in an ongoing situation that is trying – the aftermath of a natural disaster, a rolling downsizing in your company, the chronic illness of a relative or close friend – the more you will be able to avoid surprises and reduce your shock and fear when they occur.
I Invite You To Unify Your Self-Awareness Today
- What did you discover the last time you scanned your environment? How did that work for you? If you would like us to consider sharing your story anonymously with The Satisfied Introvert community please email it to me at thesatisfiedintrovert@gmail.com.
- How can I help you look for external risks? Please go to the Contact page and enter your name, email and questions. I cannot answer everyone, but will do my best – especially if the answer could benefit others.
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Welcome to the calm that comes from knowing you are
aware of the biggest immediate threats to your
well-being, and that now you can handle
them better if they materialize
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